she falls apart

Snap!
The tag slips as I cut the string. Feeling pleased, I placed my treasured into my bag, rushed out of the house, and ran for my bus.

Shiver.
It grows cold here. And I slip into my treasured. I gingerly slide my hands through the sleeves, feeling its newness and softness of the material as it warms my shivering skin.

Shake.
I stretched my arms and admired the three stripes—two orange, one white—against the dark brown. I felt like I had grown new arms with this treasure and I was learning how to use them.

even though I saw my grade over four hours ago. my partner had mentioned that Sir had released the grades and I wanted to know mine when I asked him (Sir, that is) and when he motioned for me to come over to his desk, I was skipping because even though I did not expect a good grade, I had expected to at least pass.

but there it was—all black and white. an F. that was what I had gotten. an F. my third one in a week.

I simply cannot fathom that fact. I had studied (even though it was cramming but I had some confidence as I sat for that paper), I had actually put in effort to read my notes. and yet I got an F.

am I really that dumb that I cannot even study for anything now?

and the little insignificant things that happen in my life these days remind me of you. the light blue t-shirts those customers wore the other day; the thought of Time Crisis 4 as I walk past the arcade; the pain in my back as I lay down to sleep. and then I think about the places we’ve been to before. Gelare at Citylink Mall; Mos Burger at The Marketplace; Novena Square and United Square. and I think, God, I miss you.

so much; too much.

and when I see the pictures of you, I am reminded of the old days. and then I spotted her. oh, gosh. Abi’s your girl? I didn’t know that. or did I? perhaps someone mentioned. and perhaps I forgot. oh, there’s the picture of you and Fir. I miss him. and I miss you too. oh, there’s another with Sharon. now, who can forget her? isn’t that your graduation picture? oh, my. that guy! I remember him! but sadly, I can’t remember his name. wait a minute. here’s the one with the guys. I remember him! what’s his name again? he’s the one we used his phone and took crazy pictures together back in lab sessions! and oh, those annoying guys. as much as I dislike them back then, I miss the fun we all had initially as a class. together.