I just wanna say that I love you
I just wanna say that I’ll do anything for you
I just wanna say that I hurt
I just wanna say that it’s okay
I just wanna say that you shouldn’t worry
I just wanna say that I wish you could believe me
I just wanna say that I’m really true
I just wanna say that I’m lost
I just wanna say that I love being with you
I just wanna say that I love the time we spent together
I just wanna say that I’ve given everything
I just wanna say that I still believe you
I just wanna say that it does matter to me that you may still bluff me, that you may still hide things from me
I just wanna say that I can’t say it doesn’t matter
I just wanna say that I’ll still believe you
I just wanna say that even if you’re bluffing me, I still believe you
I just wanna say that it hurts should I find out it was a lie
I just wanna say that I still believe you anyway
I just wanna say that you mean everything to me
I just wanna say that I may not mean anything but its okay
I just wanna say that it’s not okay
I just wanna say that I have to say its okay so that you won’t have to worry
I just wanna say
I just wanna say
I just wanna say please don’t go
I just wanna say please don’t go
I just wanna say please don’t go
I just wanna say that I know you’re in a fix
I just wanna say please give me that open chance
I just wanna say that
I just wanna say that I really mean what I say
I just wanna say that I love you
the feel of that cold material
on the smooth surface
running it down
gliding it across
see the dark liquid flow
cleanly, smoothly, flowing
it doesn’t hurt as much, you say
it doesn’t hurt at all
this pain inside in worse
if you could gorge it out, you would
that sinking feeling of loss
don’t have his revenge this way
it was not intended
but the explanations fall apart as they
fall on deaf ears and a
closed heart with a
broken mind
so your ears are shut
your heart is hard
and your mind is in pieces
pick up those shards, you say
but he grind them instead
you leave more in his way
he picks up several and toys with them
teasing you, he holds them to his heart
hurting you, he throws them down
breaking you, he crushes them all
we can, you say, we can
just stop all these and come back
he’s broken, you’re broken
let us heal together
because I do not want the silence to keep me company. I am alone, too alone, right now. And your words bring a certain comfort, somehow. It may mean nothing to you. But it means plenty much to me.
Our words exchanged may have randomness or of nothingness. Like as casual as the weather or the air. Or perhaps something that happened that makes you despair. Fear not, my friend. Fear not, dear girl. For as long as I’m around, my ears will be here.
So keep me in your company. Pray, do not leave me alone. For I yearn to be in your comfort. Now, please, give me a hug.
Snap!
The tag slips as I cut the string. Feeling pleased, I placed my treasured into my bag, rushed out of the house, and ran for my bus.
Shiver.
It grows cold here. And I slip into my treasured. I gingerly slide my hands through the sleeves, feeling its newness and softness of the material as it warms my shivering skin.
Shake.
I stretched my arms and admired the three stripes—two orange, one white—against the dark brown. I felt like I had grown new arms with this treasure and I was learning how to use them.
even though I saw my grade over four hours ago. my partner had mentioned that Sir had released the grades and I wanted to know mine when I asked him (Sir, that is) and when he motioned for me to come over to his desk, I was skipping because even though I did not expect a good grade, I had expected to at least pass.
but there it was—all black and white. an F. that was what I had gotten. an F. my third one in a week.
I simply cannot fathom that fact. I had studied (even though it was cramming but I had some confidence as I sat for that paper), I had actually put in effort to read my notes. and yet I got an F.
am I really that dumb that I cannot even study for anything now?
and the little insignificant things that happen in my life these days remind me of you. the light blue t-shirts those customers wore the other day; the thought of Time Crisis 4 as I walk past the arcade; the pain in my back as I lay down to sleep. and then I think about the places we’ve been to before. Gelare at Citylink Mall; Mos Burger at The Marketplace; Novena Square and United Square. and I think, God, I miss you.
so much; too much.
and when I see the pictures of you, I am reminded of the old days. and then I spotted her. oh, gosh. Abi’s your girl? I didn’t know that. or did I? perhaps someone mentioned. and perhaps I forgot. oh, there’s the picture of you and Fir. I miss him. and I miss you too. oh, there’s another with Sharon. now, who can forget her? isn’t that your graduation picture? oh, my. that guy! I remember him! but sadly, I can’t remember his name. wait a minute. here’s the one with the guys. I remember him! what’s his name again? he’s the one we used his phone and took crazy pictures together back in lab sessions! and oh, those annoying guys. as much as I dislike them back then, I miss the fun we all had initially as a class. together.
when he said she had let slip some
of that rope that held them together
she could not help but
let her heart break
one more time
as the tears fall