she falls apart

It’s like another slap to my face. Another pain in my heart. Another crack in my life. And I don’t understand why.

Why?

Even though we are far, far apart, I am still reminded of the little things. I almost laughed at that little memory. It was funny. But it also brought a pang inside me. It hit so bad I almost stumbled.

You said many things to me. And I trusted you. Despite getting hurt over and over again and again, I trusted you.

So, why are we like this?

your nigga pants just
makes me laugh out loud even
when I am alone

I think I take pride and joy in doing my job as the “door bitch” (as much as I hate that term) because for once in a very long time, I actually feel happy serving customers. I miss this feeling.

damn these feelings that arises the moment the sun sets they are always lingering always haunting always there you try to push them away you push those silly thoughts away you try you push them far into the darkest corner of your mind yet they are ever so persistent rising up to its peak where they torture you at high and you can barely think straight let alone attempting to even try every minute feels like forever there is no one to turn to no one you can share and they only one who can heal you that one person that person is not there

Palm trees are still
The air is chilly
The area is dim
Crickets whistle their song
Birds call their greetings
Rise is playing
The sun rises
We are comfortable
Simply like this
Like this

I thought that things would get
                        better
I thought that you would do
                        as you said
I thought that we could maintain that
                        bond
            But I guess not

I tried not to think so much
                        about it
I tried to get on with my life
                        normally
I tried to miss you a little less
                        each day
            But I guess not

I wasn’t thinking about you. So why did you invade it? I did not open my door. Why did you force yourself in? Did I accidentally-on-purpose leave that door unlocked? Did I want you in all along? Did I allow you that privilege?

But it felt real. My surprise and happiness felt strongly and oddly tangible. Like I could still feel it on my cheek. The warmth of your touch. That look in your eyes. Your image burns my eyes.

I guess I still miss you.

I saw the familiar black Puma bag hanging by the cupboard. Yet it did not occur to me that it would belong to him. Shawn accidentally knocked a pair of bermudas and a pair of boxers fell out. He came and was teasted about his striped boxers. Had he turned around, he would have seen me. But he did not and left for the showers. It was nice seeing him back to this. It’s been a long time.